You can envision a future with him: two kids, a boy and a girl, a dog, a house in the suburbs.
But what if he doesn’t seem to share that vision? After years of dating, you haven’t had that conversation about your future together.
Yes, he’s kind, sexy, and understanding. He’s everything a girl could ask for. But at this point, your long-term future is neither here nor there.
Top Dating Coach Evan Marc Katz says that smart, strong, successful women shouldn’t waste their time with the wrong type of men.
Is he good for you?
Relationships entail some form of compromise. The problem most couples encounter is the things that they should compromise on.
And when you are making such compromises, you want to be sure you are doing those for the right man.
However, you end up changing yourself, modifying your worldview for the wrong man.
Evan Marc Katz says that you should learn how to refine your choices. Otherwise, you end up wasting your time and energy on the wrong man.
And when you make the wrong choices, it becomes easier to feel confused and lose trust in your ability to trust.
But how exactly do you know if you are with the right guy or wasting your time with the wrong man?
Evan Marc Katz: character is forever
Is he Mr. Right or a waste of your time?
To answer that question, here’s a thought experiment from Evan Marc Katz, dating coach for smart, strong, successful women:
Make an inventory of everything you have in your life right now, the things that you think make you who you are:
Now picture all of these things stripped away from you. What do you have left?
At first, you might think that you have lost everything that you have worked hard to achieve. But take a second look. What do you have?
You’ll probably see your essence, the real you. Everything that makes you worthy of love, from your generosity to your wicked sense of humor.
The same things can be applied to the man currently in your life. Ask yourself, what’s left if you strip everything you think you love about him?
Women end up with the wrong men because they look for qualities that don’t really matter in a relationship. Remember, looks, careers, and money can go away.
Why character matters in a long-term relationship
If you’re going to be honest with yourself, you’ll acknowledge that there are lots of men who are more handsome, more successful, more charming than your guy.
But at the end of the day, these characteristics mean nothing if a man does not put you first over everything else.
Whether you are currently in a relationship or looking for one, dating coach Evan Marc Katz advises looking beyond what’s flashy.
Instead, look at what truly matters. Does he follow through with his words? Does he make you his priority?
What’s left is a man’s character. And at the end of the day, that is the only thing that truly matters.
Is he boyfriend-material?
But what if you have just started going out with a guy? How do you know whether to cut things short or progress into something more serious?
Evan Marc Katz has two tests that can help women determine if a man is boyfriend-material.
Are you enjoying the relationship?
Are you having fun with him? It doesn’t matter whether you are meeting him in person or the two of you are having an online chat.
If you are with someone who is boyfriend-material, you will find that things seem effortless. You’re having a good time with him, and you do not feel that things are contrived and require too much time and effort.
Is the guy making an effort?
Someone worthy of being your boyfriend makes a constant effort to make you his top priority.
You feel his presence and effort. He’s available to you when you need him, not when it’s convenient for him.
You deserve the right man
Whether you are in a budding relationship or a long-term relationship, what is critical is that you are with the right man.
Unfortunately, many women overstay in the wrong relationships. Evan Marc Katz argues that this happens when women fall in love with the idea of a guy and not what he truly is.
If the relationship seems like too much work, if it feels that the relationship is a chore and not something fun, you’d fare better by calling it quits.
An ideal man is committed to you and your relationship. If he devotes his time and energy elsewhere, if you feel that you are begging for crumbs, you should end the relationship.